Entries from August 2008 ↓

Stupid is as stupid does. –Mrs. Gump

As I’m often wont to do, I was watching The Discovery Channel the other evening, specifically an episode of the series Discovery Project Earth. The series bills itself as “eight crazy experiments bold enough to change the world”. The experiments are ways to reduce or reverse the effects of global warming.

So, what are these bold, world-altering experiments? Well, I’ve seen three of the experiments so far.

1. Save the glaciers. The scientists running this experiment propose to save glaciers from accelerated melting — due to global warming — by wrapping glaciers with a reflective plastic. The experiment was performed on a glacier in Greenland that was tagged as being endangered by global warming. The glacier actually had a large meltwater lake in the middle of it — something I had never seen before. To be honest though, I’m not sure how saving glaciers was supposed to reduce or reverse the effects of global warming.
2. Create more clouds. Clouds are much more reflective than water or land. So this proposal is to create automated fleets of ships that will atomize sea water, spraying the mist high into the air to form clouds. The computer simulations of this experiment showed this being performed off the west coast of Africa. In theory, a 10% increase in clouds would cool the Earth to pre-industrial levels.
3. Diffract part of the sunlight that reaches Earth. This was, by far, the boldest idea. The proposal is to launch billions of refractive lenses into space between the Sun and Earth so that a portion of the sunlight that currently reaches Earth will instead be diffracted into space. A reduction of sunlight as small as 1-2% would cool the Earth to pre-industrial levels.

As I’m listening to each of these proposals, I was immediately struck by how amazingly stupid and ill-advised each one is. Not a single one of the ideas suggested discovering and addressing the root causes of global warming.

I know that the popular theory of the cause of global warming is a dramatic increase of CO2 levels in the atmosphere. And that might be true. But it’s not proven. Yes, CO2 levels have increased along with global temperatures, but correlation does not imply causation. An alternative, tongue-in-cheek, yet statistically valid theory shows an inverse relationship between the population of swashbuckling pirates and global temperatures. Specifically, that a decrease in the pirate population has caused a rapid increase in global temperatures.

I’m not saying the alarming increase of atmospheric CO2 is not the cause of global warming. I’m saying that it appears to be a promising theory with a strong correlation, but we still don’t know. The Earth has experienced temperature fluctuations before that were not caused by CO2. Are we sure this trend isn’t one of those flucuations? I think these experiments should have been directed at finding the root cause of global warming and not these absurd ideas.

After all, wrapping a glacier in plastic is such a stupid idea that I can’t believe it was even discussed — so, I’m not going to.

As for creating more clouds, let’s ask the survivors of Katrina whether pumping warm water vapor into the air off the west coast of Africa sounds like a good idea to them. Our understanding of climatic systems is embryonic, at best, so why even contemplate creating 10% more clouds? How can we possibly predict the global environmental impact?

And diffracting some of the Sun’s energy away from Earth? Let me think about that. Hmmm…every bit of the energy used on Earth comes from the Sun. And now we’re discussing decreasing that energy source? By spending trillions of dollars to manufacture, launch, position, and maintain billions of strategically positioned lenses? Riiiiggghhhtt.

I have a couple of ideas to reduce global warming that would fit right into this TV series. What if we paint all the cities white! That will greatly reduce the heat absorption of all that pavement. Not to mention stimulating the economy by employing all the painters in the world.

Here’s another “great” idea. A person breathing at the average rate of 12 breaths per minute, exhales 1.3 grams of CO2 every minute. What if everyone breathed slower? If every person would cut off 2 breaths per minute, their respiratory contribution to atmospheric CO2 would be reduced annually by over 116 kilograms. If everyone participated, the amount becomes 697,422,960 metric tons (1 metric ton = 1000 kgs)! The average American automobile annually spews 4.5 metric tons of C02 into the atmosphere. So merely by breathing a bit slower, we can effectively remove 154,982,880 automobiles from the road — that’s well over half the number of cars in the United States.

Thank you. You’ve been a great audience. I’ll be here all week.

Like a lot of people, I’ve been watching a fair amount of the Olympic games this week. Quick question: with all of the cable channels nowadays, why don’t I have the opportunity to watch any sport I wish? Instead, I’m being force-fed a diet of gymnastics, beach volleyball, and swimming. Not that I don’t like these sports (OK, the only thing I like about beach volleyball is athletic women in bikinis), but I would like to be able to watch judo, fencing, and even trampoline. Did you know that trampoline was an Olympic sport? Neither did I. But karate, a sport that has millions of practioners, is not an Olympic sport. Go figure.

Anyway, while watching swimming events, I’ve been struck by how many world records are being broken. A couple of days ago I watched a heat of the women’s 200m freestyle in which the world record was shattered by Federica Pellegrini of Italy. Two days later, she won a semi-final race in the same event by breaking the world record she just set two days ago. Most shocking was that the next two finishers also finished faster than the record time set just two days before.

As of 9:40 EDT this morning, 18 world records have been set in swimming events at the Beijing Olympics! That’s 10 more than in the Athens 2004 Olympics and four more than in the Sydney 2000 Olympics. And the Beijing Olympics are far from over.

So what’s causing all of the world record times? A quick Google search reveals four main theories.

1. The widespread use of the new Speedo swimsuit, the LZR Racer. The suit is made of a low-drag polyurethane fabric that repels water and uses compression to further reduce drag and maximize muscle performance. Some critics claim it increases buoyancy, a direct violation of Olympic rules. Athletes wearing the suit have broken four dozen world records since its introduction six months ago.
2. More financial support for athletes. Today’s athletes are allowed to have endorsement contracts and are better able to support themselves and their families. After winning 7 gold medals in 1972, Mark Spitz had to retire from competitive Olympic-level swimming in order to support himself in an era when amateur athletes were forbidden endorsement deals. Athletes today can compete longer, into their peak athletic years, and therefore have more opportunity to maximize their potential. If Michael Phelps breaks Spitz’s record of seven gold medals in one Olympics, he will receive a $1 million bonus from Speedo, the manufacturer of the LZR Racer suit that Phelps will be wearing.
3. The pool at Beijing is configured to maximize a swimmer’s speed. Still water is fast water. The Beijing pool is deeper and wider to reduce turbulence.
4. Doping. Admit it, that was your first thought. In sports where big money is at stake and millimeters and/or hundredths of a second make the difference between winning and losing, there will always be rampant use of performance enhancing drugs. Every sport has been plagued by athletes who resort to using drugs to enhance performance, e.g. cycling’s Tour De France winner who was stripped of his title, and an Olympic 100m gold medal sprinter who was stripped of his title, and baseball’s home run king who should be stripped of his title.

I certainly have no problems with the first three theories. Sports have always evolved with technology. Baseball players benefit from better gloves, bats, uniforms, and shoes. Football equipment has certainly improved over the decades. Pole vaulters do it with better poles.

And everyone should have the opportunity to make a living while pursuing their dreams. I don’t believe athletes should be paid for competing in the Olympics, but they also shouldn’t be denied the possibility of endorsement deals.

But please, please, please don’t let this sudden assault on world records be the result of doping. I don’t want to hear in a couple of months that Michael Phelps has tested positive for a banned substance. I’m already cynical enough.