Entries from June 2008 ↓

When you teach your son, you teach your son’s son.  ~The Talmud

Since Fathers’ Day, I’ve been thinking a good bit about my fatherhood and my relationship with my 12-year-old son. He and I usually run jog together in the mornings, but he has been unable to join me the last couple of days. As a result, I’ve had some thinking time during my solo workouts.

What are the life lessons I would like for my son to learn from me? What can I teach him to truly help him get a running start towards maximizing his amazing potential?

1. Take responsibility for your actions. Don’t shift blame. Be truthful. Don’t give excuses. In the end, effort matters somewhat but performance is what really counts. Be a stand-up guy on which others can depend.
2. Be a creator. The world is full of takers with a sense of entitlement. Don’t wait to be told what needs to be done. Search out opportunities to fill needs and create value.
3. Be a positive thinker. The world is full of naysayers. Complaining is pointless. Worrying solves nothing. Your attitude shapes your reality. Don’t let you be the limiting factor on realizing your potential. Dream big and know that your dreams are possible.
   • As a corollary to positive thinking, push your envelope. Make it a habit to go outside your comfort zone. The person that lifts the same weight for the same number of repetitions every day, never grows stronger. Make sure you’re straining a bit. Don’t be afraid to fail. Increase your capabilities.
4. Be true to yourself. Don’t fall prey to peer pressure. Don’t be a sheep. Think for yourself. Don’t be afraid to be different and to stand out from the crowd. And always follow your moral compass.
5. Have fun. Life is indeed short. Don’t make it all seriousness and no fun — that makes Jack a dull boy. Notice the absurdities and relish the ironies. Laugh often. Play hard. Love a lot.

Now if only I could learn these lessons.

…Physician, heal thyself… –Luke 4:23

In a recent article, Faux Fox News disclosed that political activists planning to protest at the upcoming Democratic National Convention in Denver will have to contend with the Crap Cannon, a sonic weapon that generates an infrasound frequency causing victims to involuntarily defecate! Supposedly, this weapon generates a brown note, a low frequency sound that causes people to lose control of their bowels due to resonance.

According to Faux Fox News, some activists are scared shitless concerned that the Denver police department is armed with such a diabolical device.

We know this weapon and weapons like it have been used at other large protests before. –Mark Cohen, co-founder of the activist group Re-create 68

There’s just one small fly in their, er, ointment; the existence of the brown note has never been scientifically proven. In fact, this urban myth has even been recently busted on the popular Discovery Channel show Mythbusters.

Still, the concept of such a weapon has seeped into popular culture and has been featured in an episode of Southpark as a sound played in a world wide recorder concert that caused the entire population of Earth to suddenly defecate. In the popular comic strip Transmetropolitan, the main character, Spider Jerusalem, totes a pistol-shaped “Bowel Disruptor” used to defeat and otherwise humiliate his enemies.

It’s almost as if we want the brown note myth to be true.

But what has me rumbling is that Faux Fox News published this story at all. Given their right-wing conservativism and well-known pandering to the lowest common societal denominator, I suppose it’s no wonder they’re gushing over the opportunity to spin a story so that the evil Democrats will be using a defecation weapon on brave protesters. I think their editors are combining their metaphors, throwing something at a fan to see what sticks on the wall.

And it smells like doody.

I spotted this piling along the beach where we’re vacationing this week, and I just couldn’t resist.

Props to Mr. Miyagi.